All I know is that for one reason or another I feel the need to put what Im thinking down somewhere, and all things considering I guess this is just as good a place as any.
Ive been thinking a lot on my present situation... And the few things that I know.
I know that Im in Love
I know that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior of the world
I know that my family is my greatest treasure, resource, and strength
I know that freedom is one of if not the greatest of all gods gifts to man
and I know that life Isnt Fair, But I believe that a person can do all he can to make it Just. for some reason those two arent always one and the same are they? That brings me back to my present situation. preparing to leave for basic training with the United States Air force and begin a career based on service to my country and what I believe to be good and just raises a lot of questions that I had not really thought about before...
I love this country,
and I know that those who make all the decisions, in the end arent always right.
But, I think thats one of the things that makes it so great.
Even the "Big Shots" have the right to be wrong every once in a while, and I do honestly hope and pray that its only every once in a while.
Im proud to serve, and at the same time Im beginning to fear for what I might have given up upon signing a great portion of my every day freedom away...
the concept that I will gain experience and maturity, as well as tools and skills that I might never have gained otherwise is well and good, but now that I am starting to really see what Im losing in the process,I had measured the being away from family, but not being separated from the girl Im in love with. Changes like this make me question... I know its just, but the trade is looking less fair.I dont know if you would call this "doubting" but Im not sure what else to call it.
The only reassurance I have to fall back on is the experience I had praying about the matter back when I was making up my mind.
I know that God is happy with this decision I have made and that he will bless me for it, but I feel like that experiences power is fading... its been almost a year since I started the whole process.
I guess that now I have to apply faith...
not just faith that blessings will come, and that all will be well, but faith in the greatness of the Lords workings, that his power and foresight can make this choice of mine into a defining and refining set of experiences and trials that will make me into the Man, and eventual Husband, Father and Leader that Ive always desired to be.
I feel better.. much more at peace having expressed my thoughts but Id be lying if i said that no doubt remains...
I know that this is a good decision.
I know that God is happy with it.
But i also know that God could have been happy with many of the other options I had before me.
I believe that I have made the right choice. only time can tell...
Ive heard that sometimes Blogs like this help people in their lives... I doubt many will ever see this, and I dont know if it has any kind of value as to help those that do... but writing it has helped me.
