Perfection????

So Ive really been thinking on this topic for a VERY long time.... since I believe 05... that's my senior year in high school... so Ive got a bit to say.

People in this world are always trying to compare and measure themselves to this word... and then when you ask them what "Perfection" IS they really struggle in trying to define it. I hear things like "Being perfect means you're beautiful." I've heard "It means you cant feel any pain... and you never ever get sick or sad." "you maintain the appearance of your bodies most prime age and condition..." "you know everything.." "you never make mistakes" "you have all the talents in the world" "everything is easy for you"...etc. and In all reality it just gets under my skin....
Does Being perfect mean that my senses are no longer able to feel something as unpleasant as pain??? Does Being perfect mean that there is nothing left for me to discover or learn??? does Being perfect mean that my emotions become limited?? or that working out will never produce results for me again? or that all individuality goes out the window??? to me this sounds like Hell not perfection...
It just feels so wrong... Can you imagine what it would be like to not feel physical pain??? the skin is just littered with hundreds of thousands to millions of nerve endings more sensitive in some areas and less in others. Pain being the over stimulation and/or shock given to them. If I'm perfect and i bump my elbow on the corner of a table as i turn to stand up what would happen?? would I even know that I did it??? or is the argument that perfection means that i wouldn't have bumped the table in the first place... what if I'm wrestling and somebody gets me in an arm bar or something... am i gona feel it??? or is wrestling not even aloud when you're perfect???
this is a big thought and can go round and round.... personally I believe that there must exist an opposite to EVERYTHING. Be it emotion, sensation, talent, or physical image.... I cant believe that being perfect means a "Lack" of. but instead complete control over.
Not the absence of pain but the complete control over your reaction to it. not the knowledge of all things, but the understanding of all things, not the inability to make mistakes, but the wisdom to correct them and adapt to the situation. not the simply possessing all the talent in the world, but mastering those that you have and seeking out others.
Does that make sense or am I crazy???
I feel like without all of these "unpleasentries" we suffer that we would find ourselves not in total bliss but in utter depression, desiring nothing more than to find meaning to existence. Perfection is not the absence of Evil but the domination over it.
summed up id say perfection is the spirits mastery of the body, and your intelligences understanding of your spirit.
I really needed to get that off of my chest... I know that it may seem choppy or like I might have left some points uncovered, but i think i got the gist of it down... if not this thing could go on to double or even triple in size... haha
I hope somebody other than me benefits from my scribblings...
Ben

Happy

Well at this very moment im kinda confused... I havent felt this happy in i dont even know how long. Its all just here at once. I cant even begin to put into words how much I love Sam. It just seems to overwhelm me. Shes everything to me. In her I see a best friend, I seen exaltation and an Eternal family which is all Ive ever wanted. Its just perfect. I need this girl...
I feel great about what Im doing, I feel like i got some direction as to where I need to step next in my life. I feel gratefull for everything that crosses my path, i can see why some things that I had thought were important really arent and suddenly its all just clear.
Im so excited for General Conference. Ive organized a ride with my ward leadership to be able to enjoy the whole saturday worth of sessions. from the first to priesthood
Im sooo happy. wow... I was starting to believe that I might never get this feeling back... looks like God knows what hes up to.
I dont have much else to say. Keep your chin up and wait patiently he'll come through.

is it ever just simple??

Well.... Basic training. For those of you that have been there and experienced all that it is im sure you can understand when i ask,
"How can following simple instructions be so complicated?"
Thats all i can really say about the experience. by far the most challenging and mind twisting experience ive worked through in my life. I never expected that I would be effected so deeply by it. by far the emotional trauma is the worst, being able to feel like a normal person is difficult... very difficult. emotions dont come the same way they used to. it feels like work to feel things deeply. especially feelings like tenderness, and compassion, general sensitivity, understanding, and patience. Its as if ive been numbed.
I know i SHOULD feel it but the emotion doesnt come... my humor has become more exclusive and at times sinical. and one of the hardest feelings is that of separation. That of being apart from the civilian world....
along with this emotional numbness i find it hard to hear and feel the impressions of the spirit in my everyday life... I'm seeing myself slip in some things and my life is really facing a whole other kind of separation... the spiritual kind...
I have some work to do in order to get back to where I am used to being. I need that sensitivity in my life. Especially here.
I still see the hand of god in my every day life, and I am being greatly blessed as i work to absorb the intense amounts of information being thrown at me.
Not to mention how much I love my job and this opportunity. Ive never been more proud to get dressed in the morning. Putting on my Black name tag as a missionary is the only time I can say equaled this feeling.
Every time I look in the mirror seeing the US Air Force tape on my chest, then walking out side and forming up with my wingmen and marching off to begin our day, jets flying overhead cadence setting the tempo... you cant help but lean on back and strut. patriotism and hope just swell inside of me. its the real deal.
Life here is just as "simple" as Basic was... Study, test, and pass or fail and be separated from the USAF... no questions, few exceptions and no excuses... ive already seen a good number of those that i got here with face the first steps of separation from the service... the standard is high and managing it all is one of the most tedious things I've ever had to do.... college and highschool have nothing on military tech school.
My relationship.... the "simple" knowledge that I'm in love with the most amazing women on the face of the earth... and the complicated nature of developing and progressing that while not being able to fully function emotionally... Knowing that she deserves everything and not being able to give it... I miss her something fierce.
Im coming to the conclusion that no matter how "Simple" every day may seem the task of carrying it all out is always gona be a mess of complicated and crazy choices... theyre never easy and its always changing...
I gave a talk in the branch I attended the weekend I left from Basic.
theres only one constant and truely simple thing in my life. God. there is always comfort and hope in that thought because in the end thats all that really matters right?
this will be good.
I feel better, I hope people who read this find a reason to feel better too.

I really am not all that sure if I have anything of value to say.

All I know is that for one reason or another I feel the need to put what Im thinking down somewhere, and all things considering I guess this is just as good a place as any.

Ive been thinking a lot on my present situation... And the few things that I know.

I know that Im in Love

I know that Jesus Christ is the Lord and Savior of the world

I know that my family is my greatest treasure, resource, and strength

I know that freedom is one of if not the greatest of all gods gifts to man

and I know that life Isnt Fair, But I believe that a person can do all he can to make it Just. for some reason those two arent always one and the same are they? That brings me back to my present situation. preparing to leave for basic training with the United States Air force and begin a career based on service to my country and what I believe to be good and just raises a lot of questions that I had not really thought about before...

I love this country,

and I know that those who make all the decisions, in the end arent always right.

But, I think thats one of the things that makes it so great.

Even the "Big Shots" have the right to be wrong every once in a while, and I do honestly hope and pray that its only every once in a while.

Im proud to serve, and at the same time Im beginning to fear for what I might have given up upon signing a great portion of my every day freedom away...

the concept that I will gain experience and maturity, as well as tools and skills that I might never have gained otherwise is well and good, but now that I am starting to really see what Im losing in the process,I had measured the being away from family, but not being separated from the girl Im in love with. Changes like this make me question... I know its just, but the trade is looking less fair.I dont know if you would call this "doubting" but Im not sure what else to call it.

The only reassurance I have to fall back on is the experience I had praying about the matter back when I was making up my mind.

I know that God is happy with this decision I have made and that he will bless me for it, but I feel like that experiences power is fading... its been almost a year since I started the whole process.

I guess that now I have to apply faith...

not just faith that blessings will come, and that all will be well, but faith in the greatness of the Lords workings, that his power and foresight can make this choice of mine into a defining and refining set of experiences and trials that will make me into the Man, and eventual Husband, Father and Leader that Ive always desired to be.

I feel better.. much more at peace having expressed my thoughts but Id be lying if i said that no doubt remains...

I know that this is a good decision.

I know that God is happy with it.

But i also know that God could have been happy with many of the other options I had before me.

I believe that I have made the right choice. only time can tell...

Ive heard that sometimes Blogs like this help people in their lives... I doubt many will ever see this, and I dont know if it has any kind of value as to help those that do... but writing it has helped me.